Time for Direct Action

So I was reading this column in The Guardian (UK) a while back about a direct action group there called UK Uncut and their fine work in attempting to fend off Austerity measures taken by the British government to get its economy back in check. This Austerity has swept Europe and has resulted in protests all across the continent, namely in France, Spain and the UK.

(An American group has appropriated the name, US Uncut, to fight American Austerity, and I’ve obviously appropriated it here as well for our purposes.)

In reality the Conservative and Labour Parties are essentially doing in England what US politicians in both parties are doing here: squeezing the middle- and lower-classes dry and slashing public spending while funneling piles of cash to Wall Street and other corporate fatcats in the form of tax avoidances and to the four wars we’ve started (Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, Yemen).

From the Guardian column:

Campaigners dressed in doctors' coats and armed with fake blood are planning to close 30 high street banks on Saturday in the biggest direct action to date against proposed changes to the NHS.

More than 30 groups across the country are expected to occupy major high street banks, turning them into mock hospitals and setting up "operating theatres" inside to draw attention to the banks' role in creating the deficit.

 * * *


Clemson fans have talked, bitched and moaned ad nauseam for several years now. Not that I’m trashing them; the university has earned every bit of criticism levied against it.

The hiring of the inexperienced Dabo Swinney after Tommy Bowden’s dismissal over more qualified candidates like Virginia Tech’s Bud Foster and, as rumor has it, TCU’s Gary Patterson, the virtual holding athletic director Terry Don Phillips at gunpoint to build an indoor football practice facility and training table after years of him poo-pooing on the ideas, the havoc reeked inside Jervey walls by sociopathic boors such as Katie Hill, the lashing out at fans by Swinney early last season when things were clearly heading south only for him to justify the vitriol against him as he ended the season on a losing note...there is so much wrong at Clemson you just shake your head.

But it may be time for the bitching and moaning to manifest into direct action.

The most effective way to bring change at Clemson is quite simple: withhold your monies. Fans who cancel their IPTAY memberships and season tickets will send a message, because the only thing president Jim Barker and the faux-academian, corporate tools like him understand is money. So you hit him where it hurts most - his wallet. Problem is Clemson fans historically are rubes and will gladly give this pathetic university their money in a way no different than the elderly woman who gives her entire social security check over to big-tent carnival evangelists. In both cases it’s a blind, religious adherence to a warped dogma.

A year ago there was a billboard movement started, but the guy charged with creating it plundered the coffers and the agenda went nowhere. While that is a blow, that should not have stopped the movement. In the spirit of our brethren across the pond, here may be some ideas that would pick up where that left off:

Duck Calls: Available at any Bass Pro Shop or other redneck store, these can be used during games when the team starts to screw up or just flat-out wilt. Instead of booing to voice your displeasure, use one of these bad boys to remind Swinney just how many quacking ducks are in the fanbase. Moreover, booing may be interpreted as being aimed at the players, who are only following orders. Given his slap at the fans last season when he referred to them as “quacking like ducks”, the duck call is unquestionably and directly aimed at Swinney, and only Swinney. There’s no way a duck call can be interpreted as being aimed at players given historical context. They range anywhere from $15 on up to $70 or so. (Keep in mind if y’all go this route collectively and use these during games, Clemson will likely come up with a rule forbidding them inside the stadiums. Okay, fine, but you can still use your own voice by going “QUACK!” And make sure it’s nasally. They can’t prohibit you from bringing your larynx.)

Motor Oil: In honor of Swinney’s inauguration back in ’08 when he said that Clemson didn’t need an overhaul but only an “oil change”, then proceeded to win the Atlantic Division title in ’09 (thanks CJ!) before handing Clemson its first losing season since ’98 and first back-to-back losses to South Carolina since the early ‘70s, the use of a quart bottle as a prop is only in order. Perhaps when you’re in Death Valley and Clemson is losing (or looking shitty winning) to a lesser team again, just hold an empty container of Quaker State, Valvoline or whatever to remind Swinney of his dipshittedness. Like with the Duck Calls above, this show of displeasure can’t be aimed at the players; this is all on Swinney.

Pair of Dimes: To say TDP made a shitty hire in Swinney is an understatement. Words can’t really capture the utter imbecility of that move. Since then TDP has been preaching to give Swinney more time, as his so-called “paradigm” is 4-6 years for a coach regardless that the writing on the wall screams poor hire from the start. You can use real dimes, obviously...somehow...but to make a bigger and more public statement at the game or in your tailgating environment, I suggest cutting out two really big cardboard circles and paint a giant silver dime on each. And again, you can proudly hold these up when Clemson is aborting a winnable game as a clear and direct shot at TDP’s moronic hiring philosophy. You can even do it when you catch Swinney signaling plays like he’s done in the past or if you know he’s meddling in the offense (which will be evident).

Straight Jackets: Like the quacking ducks thing, Swinney also took a shot the fans when he said that some of them are “crazy”. Well, if you’re one of the “crazy” ones then lob it back in Swinney’s court - wear a straight jacket into the stadium during gameday. You can optionally add the phrase “5%” to the back (or front). This will make a statement, no doubt.

Wings: When TDP took the AD job, he said during his press conference, “I am going to show you a little about my organizational skills, because I am going to start to wing it. My notes are in the car.” Well, he wasn’t lying, as his decisions to this day and his answers to interview questions feel winged and dodgy. In honor of this, cardboard cutouts of angel's wings or something like that and brought to the game. Make them about 6-8 inches large then affix them to a stick or something. When Swinney screws up, hold these up proudly as a shot at TDP, because he was probably winging it when he made the dumb decision to hire Swinney to begin with. When security approaches you and accuses you of being disruptive, start fanning yourself and say “I can’t have a fan on this hot day?” You can also use the stick mount for the Pair of Dimes.

Gene Stallings masks: Very simple here - find pictures of Gene Stallings, cut out the face and add affix a rubber band to it, then wear this mask during games, tailgating, at Tiger Walk, etc. Because as you know, Swinney used Stallings as a campaign prop to get him this job, so it’s only fitting that we ensure Swinney feels reassured that Stallings is still by his side in spirit.

Spinning Tops: Buy 20 of these things then dump them at the front door of Sikes Hall to represent Barker’s bullshit magazine top-20 goal. If you can get them all spinning, great, as that’ll represent how much this corporate tool has spun statistics and metrics to manipulate Clemson up the rankings. On each one write some metric or statistic Clemson has manipulated to climb the rankings (classroom size reductions, eliminating majors, etc). Or you can box them up and ship them to Barker but a public display of sarcastic unrest if more effective. Shouldn’t have to pay more than $2-3 for each.

Keep in mind those things that can be used during the games aren’t exclusive to game use. You can use them when tailgating, and if you really want to send a message you can use them at Tiger Walk. Imagine a radical faction of fans at Tiger Walk as Swinney passes by, and he’s berated with the sounds of duck calls and has to see Pennzoil bottles raised in the air by people wearing straight jackets.

(Wait, how can anyone hold anything up while wearing a straight jacket? Well, you’re reading this blog so that means you’re smart, which means you’ll figure it out.)

So there you have it, some ideas for direct action. Some may be lame but all will grab attention, and I’ve accounted for the retarded Swinney/TDP/Barker triumvirate in this list.

Comical, perhaps. But it’ll get attention. Of course, I’m sure some of you are wanting something more intense I’d guess, as I’m sure some of you nutjobs are probably considering something insane like painting TDP’s car all orange and then write in white the words “solid orange”, “competitive” and “paradigm” on it or dumping off a herd of goats at Swinneys’ house. Well, you’re not getting it here.

Clemson's penchant for blowing early leads

In light of the basketball team blowing leads against North Carolina in the ACC Tournament and again against West Virginia in the NCAAs, I'm reminded that Clemson's football team has a huge problem in this area as well, and it goes back a ways.


Let first define and early lead: having one in either the first or second quarter. With normally-functioning football programs with championship-caliber coaching and an actual supportive university, this kind of thing is capitalized upon. Momentum is established and rarely, again with good football teams, is that momentum taken away.


But at Clemson, it's not rare - it's pretty damn common. At Clemson, early leads cause anxiety and stress, because we all know that an early lead only translates to plenty of chances to blow them. So let's go through, year by year, and showcase yet another wart on the Tigers' collective backside:


2010 Blown leads, early or not


vs. South Carolina: Clemson jumped out early to a 7-0 lead within two minutes of 1st quarter; lost lead eight minutes later, never scored again and proceeded to lose 7-29.


@ Florida State: 10-3 advantage entering second half; lost lead in 4th quarter, never scored another touchdown and proceeded to lose 13-16.


@ Boston College: 10-3 advantage entering second quarter; lost lead in second quarter, never scored again and proceeded to lose 10-16.


vs. then-No. 16 Miami: 14-7 advantage soon after second quarter began; lost lead just over a minute later and proceeded to lose 21-30.


@ then-No. 16 Auburn: 17-3 advantage entering second half; lost lead with under four minutes to go in third quarter and proceeded to lose 24-27 in overtime.


**Among Clemson's seven total losses, five were where Clemson blew an early lead (in either the first or second quarter). (Clemson never had a lead against USF nor UNC at all so they're not listed as blown early leads above.)


Before I go any further, let me make you aware of something - in the lists above I've included all instances where Clemson lost after having a lead at some point in the game, whether an early lead or they finally gained a late one. I write this because if I didn't showcase late leads, a lot of you numbnuts out there would whine and bitch and use it as some sort of retarded excuse to discredit facts as so many of you are prone to do.


So there are three tiers of losing at Clemson: 1) not having a lead at all (which is not in the lists above), 2) blowing late leads and 3) blowing early leads. The lists above detail both late and early leads but our focus here is early leads. Let's continue.


2009 Blown leads, early or not


vs. GT (ACC Title Game): 7-3 advantage entering second quarter; lost lead inside two minutes of second quarter and never gained another lead until 6:11 to go in the game when the Tigers went up by one point. Lost lead again at 1:20 mark in regulation and proceeded to lose 34-39.


@ South Carolina: Jumped out to early 7-0 advantage via C.J. Spiller's opening kickoff return; lost lead about nine minutes later, never regained a lead, and proceeded to lose 17-34.


@ Maryland: 13-3 advantage up until 4:32 mark in second quarter; lost lead with 35 seconds left in the half and proceeded to lose 21-24.


vs. then No. 15 TCU: 3-0 advantage at 8:21 mark in first quarter; lost lead about five minutes later, regained 10-7 lead in second quarter but lost lead again just inside fourth quarter, and proceeded to lose 10-14.


@ GT: Didn't get a lead until 11:33 in fourth quarter when the Tigers went up 27-24; lost lead six minutes later and proceeded to lose 27-30.


**Among Clemson's five total losses, four were where Clemson blew an early lead.


2008 Blown leads, early or not


vs. Nebraska (Gator Bowl): 21-10 advantage in under five minutes into the second half; never scores again, loses lead with 1:40 left in third quarter and proceeds to lose 21-26.


@ Florida State: 10-0 lead up until about six minutes into first quarter; loses lead with 4:16 left in first, regains lead at 8:17 mark in second quarter, loses lead again at 1:25 mark and proceeds to lose 27-41.


vs GT: No lead until 2:16 mark in third quarter when Clemson went up 17-14; lost lead with 5:22 left in game and proceeded to lose 17-21.


@ Wake Forest: Grabbed 7-3 advantage with seven seconds to go in third quarter; lost lead at 5:28 mark and proceeded to lose 7-12. (NOTE: This was Tommy Bowden's final game.)


vs. Maryland: 10-0 advantage entering second quarter; lost lead with 10:25 to go in game and proceeded to lose 17-20.


**In Clemson's six total losses, three were where Clemson blew an early lead. (Clemson never had a lead at all against Alabama so it's not listed as a blown early lead above.)


2007 Blown leads, early or not


vs. Auburn (Chick-fil-A Bowl): 7-3 advantage entering second half; lost lead about four minutes into third quarter, regained lead at 11:24 mark in fourth, lost lead three minutes later, regained three-point lead in overtime but lost lead on a Kodi Burns scoring run, proceeding to lose 20-23.


vs. Boston College: 10-3 advantage entering fourth quarter with Atlantic Division title on the line; lost lead a minute-and-a-half later, regained lead at 5:28 mark but lost lead again with under two minutes to go, and proceeded to lose 17-20.


@ GT: "Whopping" 3-0 lead in just over a minute into first quarter; never scored again, lost lead at 5:05 mark and proceeded to lose 3-13.


**Of Clemson's four total losses, three were where Clemson blew an early lead. (Clemson never had a lead at all against VT so it's not listed as a blown early lead above.)


So in short, over the past four seasons (and I included Bowden's last years intentionally so you Dabo Dipshits won't think I'm beating up only on him), Clemson has lost a grand total of 22 losses. Of those 22, 15 of them were where Clemson had a lead in the first or second quarter then proceeded to blow it. That's 68 percent, and this two-thirds-plus leads-blowing crap has cost the Tigers wins against arch-rival South Carolina (twice), an ACC championship, an Atlantic Division title, bowl games and a win over an ensuing national champion on their own turf.


Face it: there's absolutely no way in hell Clemson will ever get over any humps if they can't maintain early momentums for any significant length of time. And because these early leads aren't all that large to begin with (most are only 10 points), there's no way you can expect your defense to keep any good offenses out of the endzone while your offense sits on the rock and plays conservatively to run out the clock. As if you can magically speed up 30 or 45 minutes of remaining gameclock that much to keep a measly 10- or 14-point lead. Please.


If this trend continues, will Swinney lose his job? Probably not, because as long as Terry Don Phillips is running the athletics department (into the ground), Swinney will be there. Swinney is TDP's golden child, and to fire Swinney is an admission of failure by TDP, and he's way to proud for that. But with Swinney at the helm, you can count on blowing early leads and continue Clemson's fine tradition of "WTF" losses.


Swinney can scold the fans countless more times for being quacky, crazy and irrelevant, and he can ban media access to this person or that all he wants. But the continues losing will happen because, well, he's Dabo Swinney - a former real estate agent who thinks he can actually talk his way out of losing.

Swinney’s media lockout good and bad, but why?

By now many of you have heard of Dabo Swinney's new media policy. Among its tenets are...

1. Swinney will no longer do one-on-one interviews with local media, including radio.
2. No media access to assistant coaches.
3. Only the coordinators will be available to media.
4. Freshman players won’t be available for interviews until week of the first game
5. No media access to grad assistants, strength coaches, player development coaches, and so on.

Now, I’m told by my bullshit “sources close to the situation” this isn’t the brainchild of athletics director Terry Don Phillips, nor SID Tim Bourret. This is all Swinney.

I can understand a few of them. The ban on assistant coaches is a good one, I think. Assistants are way way way too busy recruiting and coaching to worry about media access. If I were a head coach, I’d rather them focus on recruiting than half-and-half between that and interviews. Sure, former running backs coach André Powell had a foot-in-mouth moment when he said that backs André Ellington and Jamie Harper decided who would play and when during games, and that was beyond stupid and irresponsible as a coach. But there is a bigger issue I think.

Same thing with the grad assistants, strength coaches, development coaches, and so on. They’re so far down the totem pole I’m not sure there would be any meat on that interview’s bones.

I do think the restriction of access to incoming freshmen is a good idea, too. Those youngsters are too busy acclimating to a new life, independence, an academic environment and so on, in addition to football responsibilities mind you, to have to worry about media interviews and what to say and how to say it and when. I’m sure many of them would love an interview; they’re in the spotlight. What campus celebrity wouldn’t love that? But there are more important things for them to be concerned with initially. And, this access is only temporary. After their cherry is busted during that first game, they’re open to the media.

I’m guessing those freshmen’s parents like that too.

What’s baffling, though, is that Swinney is self-imposing a ban on the media, and stranger it’s only the local media.

After coming off Clemson’s first losing season in over a decade, first back-to-back losses to the South Carolina Gamecocks in 40 years and him scolding the fanbase multiple times during this past season (quacking ducks, crazy five percenters, message board fans being irrelevant), the timing of this can’t be considered as mere coincidence. Swinney utterly failed Clemson in 2010, and this particular media restriction smacks of humiliation and unwillingness to face the music.

Sure he's admitted failure, that it's all on him. But it's easy to take full responsibility when there are no real consequences, isn't it? As long as Phillips is there, Swinney's job is safe wins and losses be damed. So Swinney's mea culpa is light and airy at best. He's also doing this in the comforts of a press conference, where he's not being thrown fastballs and the questions pretty much controlled. Throw in there that Clemson's local beat media has been a rather nutless bunch ever since I can remember, and it makes for situation that's an all-out joke.

Furthermore, if his scoldings of the fans have alienated him from them, this only alienates him more. No radio interviews translates into no call-ins from fans during the broadcast, I’d think, which means even more disconnection from the fans.

One thing that suckered many fans in to him was his likeability and openness. After all the hideous “accomplishments” he’s achieved this past season, it’s easy to think that Swinney is now skulking into a corner hoping that time will pass and fans will forget the atrocities he’s committed in light of the program's top-10 recruiting class. As if Swinney can actually coach and develop these fine athletes to be better than they are. Please. And don’t think that fans are letting him off the hook. Swinney's enemies in the fanbase seem to be on the rise.

Not only is Swinney alienating himself further from the fans, but now he’s alienating himself from the local media. Not the national media, mind you. Probably because he feels the national humps don’t know (nor care) about Clemson enough because their livelihood doesn’t depend on the school and therefore they’ll likely be more distant, and thus nicer, to him in interviews. The local media knows him all too well, warts and all, and Swinney doesn’t want anyone with a mirror holding it up in front of him.

A while back I saw ESPN’s “30 For 30” on Southern Methodist's glory years back in the 1980s, a time the Mustangs were hell on wheels but were brought down by scandal and were subsequently put on probation, including the death penalty. During that segment legendary announcer Brent Musberger said something like “when the local beat media turn on you, you’re finished as a coach”.

If that’s true, then Swinney has indeed laid the groundwork to be skewered by everyone from Bart Wright to Travis Sawchik to Larry Williams. The only way out of it is to have a humongous season this year, and humongous doesn't mean nine goddamn wins; it means at least 10 regular season wins, an ACC title and an Orange Bowl win. If he loses or continues on with Tommy Bowden's 8-win tradition with all that talent, the media will have a field day. I know I will.

And after inexplicably driving a 10-win talented team head on into 6-7 last year, what do you think will happen in ’11?

Clemson head coach (and athletic director) candidates

I was considering not posting this right now, but on second thought I think we’ve seen enough. Don’t you?

I mean, I'm no longer willing to wait around two more years for coach Dabo Swinney's impending failure to prove itself when the writing is and has been on the wall since he was hired. The proof is there, anyone who doesn't see it is blind. Fans did that "two more years" crap with Tommy Bowden every time he had a strong recruiting class and it never paid off, and I'm not about to do it with a guy who is even less qualified than Bowden was.

But for Clemson to merely replace Swinney while keeping athletic director Terry Don Phillips around is like, well, getting an oil change while not getting your broken tie rods fixed. Merely changing the oil won’t do.

However if Clemson does fix its tie rods, it still has to change the oil. You can't solve the problem (TDP) and leave the symptoms as-is (Swinney) and think you're healed. When you're sick and you end up getting cured, the symptoms naturally go away. If you are "healed" and still experience symptoms, you're not really healed are you?

But Clemson does need an oil change regardless, so let’s start there. Some realistic replacements for Swinney might be:

Gary Patterson, head coach, TCU

Sure he turned Clemson down before, but if you were being interviewed by apathetic director Phillips wouldn’t you? Would you want to work for him? With a respectable AD running the ship, one that measures success only in championships, Patterson may be interested.

Regardless, Patterson’s track record at TCU speaks for itself. Multiple conference championships (across multiple conferences no less), BCS bowls, beating up on BCS foes including yours truly, what’s not to like? The only thing holding him back at TCU is the corrupt BCS system, which will never allow his Horned Frogs to play for the National Championship. For as good as TCU is, and they are indeed quite the program, Patterson would have a far better chance of playing for a NC at Clemson than at TCU. Proper university support being assumed, that is.

Although Patterson is not the most gettable, he is the most ideal on my board. The most gettable would be...

Gus Malzahn, offensive coordinator, Auburn

This guy will get snapped up by a BCS school sooner than later. This is one of those ‘mark it down’ moments. Arkansas offensive coordinator in ’06 when the Hogs last won the SEC West, then spent two years at Tulsa where he fielded the nation’s top offenses those years, and now at undefeated Auburn where he is coaching Heisman candidate quarterback Cam Newton. Swinney only says he’s never failed. Malzahn has actually never failed thus far in major college football.

Malzahn is probably the most gettable candidate on my board.

Rich Rodriguez, head coach, Michigan

Was Tommy Bowden’s first offensive coordinator at Clemson and then went on to his alma mater West Virginia in 2001. I don’t think I need to expound upon Rich-Rod’s successes at Clemson and West Virginia.

Admittedly he’s struggling in Ann Arbor. So much that he’s on a hot seat and may not make it to the end of the year. If so, he would be prime pickings for Clemson, and I don’t think anyone in Tigertown would hold Rich Rod accountable for his failures at Michigan. Clemson is more like West Virginia than Michigan so he would be a better fit here than in Ann Arbor.

But like for Patterson, would Rich Rod work for someone as incompetent and careless as Phillips?

Vic Koenning, defensive coordinator, Illinois

Was Tommy Bowden’s DC for four years through the 2008 season, when Koenning fielded strong defenses throughout his time at Clemson. Sure he has an elastic defensive philosophy, but stats don’t lie, as Clemson’s defenses were chronically in the nation’s top-20 in yardage allowed and scoring. Not to mention the fact he’s prepared and sent a shitload of players to the NFL (Gaines Adams, Phillip Merling, Michael Hamlin, Darell Scott, Chris Clemons, Anthony Waters, etc). There is a track record of measureable success with Koenning, unlike with Swinney.

Koenning also has head coaching experience via Wyoming. But although Koenning failed there, who wouldn’t? Clemson needs someone who is qualified, has measureable success and is competent. It doesn’t need someone who can raise the dead. (Well, maybe it does.)

Koenning is probably just as gettable as Malzahn, and it is my opinion that a responsible athletic director would have awarded the Clemson head coaching job to Koenning before to Swinney.

Bud Foster, defensive coordinator, Virginia Tech

This guy has historically fielded top defenses, period. He knows how to punch an opposing offense in the mouth to where they don’t get up. Why this guy hasn’t been snapped up by now is beyond me.

I’ll retract my statements about Koenning and Malzahn as being most gettable. Foster is by far the most gettable, as he publicly stated he would jump at the chance at the Clemson job if offered. He said that back in 2008 so I can only assume he’d still jump on it.

Kevin Steele, defensive coordinator, Clemson

Steele’s candidacy will be controversial, as he is in fact part of an overall failure of a coaching staff. His defenses have been erratic and unpredictable up until the past few games, for certain. But his candidacy will only be legitimate if his defenses continue to be a dominant ACC force, as at the time of this writing Clemson defense is first in the ACC in touchdown scoring and tied for eighth in the nation in the same category. And touchdown scoring is arguably the top KPI for defenses in my mind. Yeah it's frustrating to see a defense let an opposing offense drive down the field, but if they end up giving it away or you force them to settle for a field goal, you just made them waste a lot of time, and that can demoralize them.

Outside of Clemson, has coached at top schools, has coached in the NFL and was Baylor’s head coach at one time. But like with Koenning, it’s extremely rare and difficult to win at Baylor so I can’t hold his failures there against him.

But, again we’ll have to wait and see how his defenses fare the rest of the season. If it implodes against Florida State and South Carolina, then his candidacy will be immediately retracted.

Quick list of who I would not consider, at all, no way in hell:

• anyone on the current staff except for Kevin Steele
• Bobby Bentley
• Bobby Johnson
• Troy Calhoun
• Mark Richt
• Danny Ford (let’s give it a rest, okay?)
• Ellis Johnson
• Tommy Bowden
• Rob Spence

Why would you want any of these guys when Foster, Malzahn and Koenning would be all over this?

Now, on to the tie rods. Possible replacements for Terry Don Phillips and the era of laziness and complaceny.

Jeff Davis, Asst. AD for Player Relations and External Affairs, Clemson University

Forget football for a moment, where he won Clemson’s only national championship then played for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for several years. This guy has made quite the life for him and his family after football. Started the Call Me Mister program at Clemson, which according to Clemson’s website “seeks to recruit, train, certify, and secure employment for African-American males as elementary teachers in the state's public schools. In 2001, he was awarded $100,000 for the program from Oprah Winfrey's ‘Angel Network.’”

Ordained minister on top of that, and you have a monster of ambassador for Clemson, which is what Phillips is nowhere close to being. Davis has proven he can connect with the people and can raise funds, two things Phillips fails at miserably. Clemson needs a positive force running the show, and Davis more than qualifies.

The only knock against Davis is a guilt-by-association thing. He’s part of a poor athletic department now, and that may be cause for concern. But I’m not certain fans would object to his promotion.

Dwight Clark

Played at Clemson and produced so well there that he was handpicked by Niner head coach Bill Walsh for the draft. He went on to San Francisco, earned accolades for the legendary “Catch” where he helped lead the Niners to an NFC championship. They went on to win the city’s first Super Bowl, which was the launching salvo in the 49ers becoming one of the elite NFL franchises.

After his playing career he was a team executive for the Niners and the Cleveland Browns. So he clearly knows how to run a football program from a front office standpoint, unlike Phillips.

He lives in California, reportedly, and has established a life there, so I wonder if he would be interested in the job to begin with. Nonetheless, he would be a great hire and quite frankly, Clark is choice No. 1 on my board.

Mark Richardson

Former Clemson player who went on to help create the Carolina Panthers NFL franchise, where he served as President. Like Clark, he has playing and front office experience which only lends more credibility to a hire.

Danny Ford

I was on the fence about this. On one hand I think Clemson should let the memory of Danny Ford be just that - a memory. Like Davis he is a great ambassador for Clemson and would do well, but due to his age Ford is no long-term solution. I would take Ford in a New York minute for interim athletic director while they search for a permanent replacement.

But then again a couple years ago Nebraska hired the then-71-year-old Tom Osborne to be interim AD in Lincoln, only to make him the permanent director later. In his interim Osborne kicked the failed (and arrogant) Bill Callahan to the curb and hired Bo Pelini, who was a very successful defensive coordinator prior to taking the Nebraska job. If all Ford did was clean house in Jervey and kick Swinney and his bunch of failures to the curb, replacing him with a candidate with actual proven qualifications, that would galvanize Clemson fans and give them some level of true hope, unlike in many, many years.

Quick list of who I would not consider, at all, no way in hell:

• anyone currently in the Department except for Davis (hell, they all need to be fired)
• Tommy Bowden
• Ken Hatfield
• Bobby Johnson
• Dabo Swinney
• Rob Spence
• Brad Scott
• Bobby Bentley (I know some of you have a hard-on for him)
• anyone in an ACC school’s front office
• anyone in a Big East school’s front office
• anyone from any South Carolinian school

Worth mentioning: if a new head coach was hired and they asked me about position coaches who I think would be good defensive coordinators, I’d recommend Mike Ekeler, Nebraska’s linebackers coach. Long-time pupil of Bo Pelini, a fiery recruiter and was instrumental in the resurgence of Nebraska’s Black Shirt defense.

SHUT UP ALREADY ABOUT DANNY FORD!

It’s like clockwork. Or the rising and setting sun. Or the cultural dwarfism of the Tea Party.

“When Danny was coach...”

“Danny would have...”

“DF didn’t have any blah blah blah either...”

“Just like Danny,...”

It’s like the legend of Clemson’s greatest coach ever has become this cloud that hangs over the entire university and an obsession among too many fans.

While Ford was indeed a legend and should not have been fired back in ’90, the fact is he’s been gone for 20 years. He’s not coming back, ever.

Let it go.

Move forward with your life and fandom.

Quit trying to draw extraneous comparisons between some ill-experienced head coach that should have never been hired to begin with and Ford.

Yes, both Ford and Dabo Swinney played at Alabama.

Yes, neither had head coaching nor coordinator experience prior to taking Clemson’s top spot.

Yes, they both seem to have that kuntree-ham-and-cornbread persona that connects with fans.

Eh, well, maybe. Swinney does appear to be burning some bridges with fans now. But I’ll let that one slide, for now.

Yes, they both were successful position coaches who could develop players before taking the head job.

Oh...wait. Oops. That last part isn’t true. Sorry.

Yes, both coached under championship predecessors, so successful in fact that both went on to bigger and better things after Clemson.

Uh, sorry. Oops again. My bad.

Yes, Ford and Swinney have publicly taken jabs at fans for voicing their frustrations.

Damn! Another mea culpa!

Wow, it appears the superficial comparisons that fans make between Swinney and Ford get derailed when a little more digging is done and more facts brought to light.

I can understand Ford being the benchmark for Clemson football. There was never any better a time to be a Clemson fan than there was in the ‘80s. Hell, I’ll throw in 1978 and 1979 out for good measure.

I was there during the 80s. During that time Ford cussed up the officials when that Maryland receiver (or tight end) flubbed a pass in the end zone in Death Valley and dropped it yet the refs called it a touchdown anyway.

And that time when that record-breaking balloon launch occurred.

And that time when the Fridge barreled through North Carolina’s offensive line like it was made of Legos and sacked a Tar Heel receiver during an attempted reverse. Or was it a double-reverse?

And the tie with Boston College in ’82 and remembered thinking “what’s this crap? The NFL has overtimes, why not college?”

And traveling to Blacksburg for an away game with my family and upon arriving at the stadium thinking “this place is too sterile.”

And the win over Stanford in the Gator Bowl where the Stanford band was in trouble for mooning the crowd during its last week’s game or something.

I even remember watching the Clemson-South Carolina game in ’81 in Littlejohn Coliseum with my family and aunts and uncles on closed-circuit TV, as Chuck McSwain ran amok in Columbia that night en route to the win and a shot at the National Championship in Miami.

It’s been a long time and my memory isn’t what it used to be but yeah, I remember all that shit.

So fuck you if you dare question what I know about the endangered species that is the championship Clemson football teams. Any of you 17-30-year-old ignorant suckholes who only think you know what a championship team looks like, shut up and listen to the wise old farts like me who’ve actually seen them, and seen them wearing a paw.

But those days are gone now. Never to return. And neither is Ford.

As sentimental as a stroll down memory lane is, the fact is that does nothing for Clemson’s problems today. Football, in many ways, is still the same basic game it always was. But it has also evolved in many other ways, to the point that it’s time to consider that Ford’s winning strategies may not work in today’s climate.

Some things from yesteryear would work, but others won’t. The fact that players are much bigger and faster mandates a more modern approach.

In short, don’t think for a minute that it’s a lock that Ford’s strategies would work just like it did back then. We don’t know that, and there’s no way we’d ever know that. SO what do we do?

Move on. And let the past go.

It’s clear: Swinney is no upgrade from Bowden

And he’s certainly no reincarnation of Danny Ford. If anything, he looks more like Tommy West or Red Parker every day.

* * *

It’s been a while since I wrote/ragged on Clemson’s self-inflicted spiral into football irrelevancy. I was contemplating not writing anything at all; Clemson football has been exposed as a big bowl of head-shaking ick and everyone knows it. Even the apologists and excusers and members of the “I like Dabo but...” crowd see it but they are just too ball-less to face it full-frontal because they ignorantly think that to criticize Clemson or, god forbid, Dabo Swinney is akin to blasphemy. But I figured what the hell.

In the beginning when Swinney proclaimed that all Clemson needed was an oil change, tire rotate and balance, whatever it was he said to sell some legitimacy into his head coaching campaign, he clearly implied that it wouldn’t take long or much to put Clemson over the hump. This has clearly been proven to be snake-oil by the former insurance salesman, as since Swinney took over mid ‘08 Clemson has not looked a lot different from Tommy Bowden’s teams in the win-loss columns.

Lopsided losing record (only one win) versus ranked opponents is the tell. If that doesn’t scream same-old same-old I don’t know what does.

And don’t bring up winning the Atlantic last year to justify his hire. They didn’t win it as much as the rest of the division lost it. Clemson fell ass-backward into the ACC title game, period, and it was more due to C.J. Spiller, now with the Buffalo Bills, than Swinney.

And don’t quantify his enormously average to below-average record by conveniently removing his interim season. That his ’08 audition doesn’t count since he was ‘bailing water’. It does in fact count, and it should. If it didn’t count, it would have played no role in his hire. But he was hired because of his water-bailing, so it counts. The moment athletic director Terry Don Phillips said that Swinney's interim period was his audition for a permanent position was the moment it counted. You can’t have it both ways.

Last year Clemson began the season dirtying their diaper, the crown jewel of that poor excuse of football is losing to a putrid Maryland team that finished 2-10. Clemson lost three of their first five but, by definition of inconsistency, inexplicably went on a hot streak won their next six. Again by definition of inconsistency they inexplicably lost the next two, one to a South Carolina team that was on a skid and had a poor offense, the other to a Georgia Tech team in the ACC title game that they should have, by then, known how to beat.

This year will be more of the same at best. After “tuning up” against two patsies, they blew it against an Auburn team they had a 17-3 halftime lead on, and again against Miami, who is another in a long line of warted ACC teams. Not to mention Clemson’s third straight loss being to a North Carolina team that was missing scads of starters. None of these three teams are really good teams. Just because Clemson loses to a team doesn’t make said team good.

Some good “tune-up” games do for Clemson.

And don’t hand me any crap about how Clemson “played hard” and fell short. We heard that refrain for years under Bowden. Five years from now no one’s going to give a crap how Clemson lost. The only thing that will matter is the black and white: whether they actually won or lost. The ends count, not the means, and Clemson is currently perched at 0-3 against teams with a pulse.

Every team has problems. It doesn’t take a beat journalist to validate our belief in this. But the truly great teams overcome their problems and win in spite of them. Clemson, on the other hand, succumbs to them every single time.

But with Clemson, it’s like a weekly musical chairs of Achilles Heels. One week it’s the linebackers. The next week the linebackers do fine but the line skids its pants. The following week the line does fine but the kicking game costs them a win (or tie, in Auburn’s case). If not the kicking game, it’s the passing game led by a broken quarterback. If not the passing game, then turnovers. Then back to the linebackers and the cycle begins again. It’s endless.

It’s pathetic that Clemson’s entire staff has such little control over the team that there is a new obscure, ass-biting problem each week. Good head coaches have a firm, solid grasp of their team, and Swinney clearly doesn’t. Not only has he lost his grasp of the team, but if what I’m hearing is true that more than one player was laughing and joking it up during the final ticks of the clock, I wonder if he’s lost his players. And when a coach loses his players, it’s over. But that may be a stretch right now but it’s the first thing I thought of when I heard about the laughing and joking on the sidelines. Throw in there that over the past few weeks certain coaches have wised-assed to media or fans (Andre Powell, Kevin Steele, Swinney), and you have a coaching staff that not only has no grasp of the team but also is desperate as they can't take hard questions nor provide legitimate solutions.

So, what will be Clemson’s waterloo next time? Special teams coverage? Turnovers again? Or will they (gasp!) actually win? Even if they win, will they look all warted up doing it? I do think Clemson will win. I really don’t know why, I just do, maybe it’s because I haven’t had my Seroquel yet.

To compound this, Swinney seems to be sounding a bit, well, Bowdenish, in that he’s come up with a mantra for losing: “correctable/fixable mistakes”, in hopes of keeping the fans gassed up on false hope.

Funny, Clemson had “correctable mistakes” weeks ago after they lost to Auburn. Were those mistakes corrected before the Miami game? And if they somehow were, what new “correctable mistakes” cropped up that the coaches didn’t anticipate? I direct you to the ‘grasp’ paragraph above.

“Correctable mistakes”. Make note of this Clemson fans; this will be a common catchphrase from Swinney throughout his tenure, just as “oil change” was in his ’08 campaign and “one play away” was for Bowden as now we’re led to believe by Swinney that Clemson is one correction or fix away.

I wonder how long it’ll be before Swinney begins using “fifty percent of all the teams that played Saturday lost”.

“But, but but....Swinney wasn’t the one on the field! This is the players’ fault!” Really, how dumb are you? Are you so stupid to think that it’s not the coaches’ job to prepare the team for play, and then ensure the team plays as prepared? This isn’t the NFL with grown men in their mid-20s to mid-30s who are (physically) mature and being paid millions. These are late-teens to early 20s, and they are not mature enough yet to prepare themselves accordingly. In college, the coaches are crucially responsible for prepping the players, unlike in the NFL. Nebraska coach Bo Pelini once said that when the team wins you credit the players, and when it loses you blame the coaches, and that’s how it’s gotta be. And when a team loses as much as Clemson has, especially against ranked teams, you have to question the legitimacy of Swinney’s hiring.

This all said, this really isn’t a Swinney bashfest. Well, maybe just a little given his penchant for oil changes and correctable mistakes, but the fact is Swinney just took a job offer. Much like one Ken Hatfield a million years ago. Can’t blame Swinney for taking it but that doesn’t exonerate the fact that he’s clearly in over his head. This cluster of a program falls squarely on Phillips, James Barker and the Board, and partially on Katie Hill, the Queen to Phillips’ Sleepy/Dopey combo dwarf. Although they didn’t create this (this foundation was laid out by Max Lennon and Bobby Robinson), Phillips, Barker and Board just built on it. Which is why Swinney is in this pickle to begin with.

* * *

In his post-game interview after the North Carolina debacle Swinney stated, “Sooner or later you’ll bust through.”

Sooner...or later? Given your “oil change” sales pitch, ‘later’ is not an option, coach Swinney. You yourself took that off the table from the beginning. Of course it doesn’t surprise me now you’re using it to save face.

But I do agree that Clemson football is only in need of an oil change to get over the hump. Too bad Swinney is no mechanic.